little miss reverse

A journey from ME/CFS to health using Reverse Therapy and Lightning Process

Wednesday, July 27, 2005


Have just spent 9 hours with my boyfriend. Must admit, didn't 'do' much, watched a DVD, had lunch, lounged, chatted, listened to music, had tea, but still it's the longest amount of time we've spent together since I met him in January.

Hmm, is this the increase that RT talks about? It's difficult to know isn't it!

Am keeping a diary so hopefully will be able to see....

Monday, July 25, 2005

help yourself

At my first session, my therapist said that I had a good understanding of RT and that I was already doing some of it.

I tried to do as much preparation as I could and I think that if you can do that, you are giving yourself a head start and also saving yourself some money!

This is what I did:

Read the Mickel RT book (download from the Mickel RT site)
Read the John Eaton book (bought from Amazon)
Searched all the M.E. websites and message boards (that I know of) for any discussions on RT
Read Adam Del-Monte's blog (
Discussed RT on the Bristol M.E. groups message board with others who are having the therapy and those who aren't
Practised keeping a symptom journal
Practised listening to my bodymind

All of the above helped. The things that helped me understand the process the most were John Eaton's book and Adams Blog. The thing that has helped have a head start is just trying to do it before I started my therapy.

It's quite an unusual concept to get your head around, especially when you are so used to pacing. I have spent the last 3 years trying NOT to have symptoms, but now I need my symptoms so that I can do my RT. Its a strange place to be in, but I trust my instincts and will still be using pacing too, as I only want to feel my symptoms gently and not have a relapse.

My body mind

It's quite difficult to get a grasp on what 'body mind' is, but I think I've kind of got my head around it now.

For me, it's my inner voice that comes from my stomach area. I sometimes get a physical sensation in my belly when bodymind it trying to tell me something. It's not like wind or the feeling of your food being digested, but like the feeling you get when you have butterflys, or experience disappointment and feel it in your gut.

Sometimes is hard to hear bodymind because its just not speaking to me at that time. It's not so much about thinking, but about feeling. Instead of trying to work it out in my head, I try to switch the head off and go with my gut feeling.

An example is: I went for a walk in the park, got tired and needed to sit down. I found a bench and sat on it. Inside me, there was a kind of child saying, 'I want to lie on the grass under the tree', so I took that to be my bodymind and just did it.

I don't know if you are supposed to feel an immediate improvement in energy or whether this is just retraining your hypothalamus, but I'm happy to go along with it.

1st Session

I had my first session last week. I like my therapist, she's great, very positive and truly believes that this will help me.

I decided to travel by bus to her house, which was quite a journey in itself, but I managed it.

She gave me my RT 'training' so to speak, explaining the principles behind it. She thought that I had a good grasp on the concept and I tried to give her examples of how I had been putting into practice what I already understood.

We discussed how my M.E. had come into being, discussing how long I've had it, symptoms etc. She then asked me to close my eyes and think back to what was happening for me at the time my first symptoms arose. I thought back to January 2001 when I first had the flu that 'caused' my M.E. At this point, a little voice inside me was saying, 'but what about the thing that happened before that' and then, 'no before that' until I eventually came to a point where my bodymind seemed to have gone quiet. I went back to May 1996.

I'd been in a relationship that was really bad for me. I lost myself in it and it ended in a traumatic way for me at the same time as I was made redundant from my job. It took me a long time to get over this and I've always known that it had a big impact on my life. What I didn't realise was the connection between then and now.

I explained to Georgiana (my therapist) how I had moved to Bristol in 1999, started a new life and kind of gone into overdrive. I was working hard, playing hard and having the time of my life, with hardly any down time. I was also drinking heavily and using recreational drugs. Georgiana said it was then that my hypothalamus had kicked off and was giving lots of (false) energy.

It really upset me hearing this and I felt really terrible about what I have done to myself. I also felt a bit relieved because now I understand how I got M.E and feel that I can sort the things out that put me in this place. I always had a kind of gut feeling that my M.E. didn't start with the flu in 2001, but couldn't see how it could have started any other way. I can see it now.