1st Session

I had my first session last week. I like my therapist, she's great, very positive and truly believes that this will help me.

I decided to travel by bus to her house, which was quite a journey in itself, but I managed it.

She gave me my RT 'training' so to speak, explaining the principles behind it. She thought that I had a good grasp on the concept and I tried to give her examples of how I had been putting into practice what I already understood.

We discussed how my M.E. had come into being, discussing how long I've had it, symptoms etc. She then asked me to close my eyes and think back to what was happening for me at the time my first symptoms arose. I thought back to January 2001 when I first had the flu that 'caused' my M.E. At this point, a little voice inside me was saying, 'but what about the thing that happened before that' and then, 'no before that' until I eventually came to a point where my bodymind seemed to have gone quiet. I went back to May 1996.

I'd been in a relationship that was really bad for me. I lost myself in it and it ended in a traumatic way for me at the same time as I was made redundant from my job. It took me a long time to get over this and I've always known that it had a big impact on my life. What I didn't realise was the connection between then and now.

I explained to Georgiana (my therapist) how I had moved to Bristol in 1999, started a new life and kind of gone into overdrive. I was working hard, playing hard and having the time of my life, with hardly any down time. I was also drinking heavily and using recreational drugs. Georgiana said it was then that my hypothalamus had kicked off and was giving lots of (false) energy.

It really upset me hearing this and I felt really terrible about what I have done to myself. I also felt a bit relieved because now I understand how I got M.E and feel that I can sort the things out that put me in this place. I always had a kind of gut feeling that my M.E. didn't start with the flu in 2001, but couldn't see how it could have started any other way. I can see it now.