little miss reverse

A journey from ME/CFS to health using Reverse Therapy and Lightning Process

Monday, June 11, 2007

One last time!

Hello people out there! Well what can I tell you?.... I've been waiting to reach the magic 100% before coming back on here to tell you all about it. The truth is I've been waiting and waiting until I had it just right and then last night I was lying in bed, jetlagged from being on a trip to Canada, unable to sleep as I'd slept 15 hours the night before, when it suddenly dawned on me...I've been wating until I had got it 'perfect'. Now those of you who have done LP, will realise that this is something that some of us do that keep us stuck - PERFECTIONISM! Yep, that's one of my things! Anyway, the thing is even with ridiculous sleep patterns and exhaustion from travelling, I'm leading the life I want to live or in LP terms, I'm living the life I love. So I'm recovered, yes absolutely recovered!

Now, you may ask if I still have 'issues' and the answer is yes I do, but then don't we all. I had a bad week a month or so ago because I got stressed at work and completely forgot to use LP as I hadn't needed to use it for so long. So I still do stress occasionally and it still does have an impact on my energy and focus, but it seems more like 'normal' stressed-out as opposed to M.E. stressed out. That doesn't mean that I find it easy, not at all, but I know that's something to keep an eye on, I'm getting much better at it and I can get back on track pretty quickly.

The biggest change for me is that the anxiety has gone - I don't do that anymore. I didn't bat an eyelid knowing I was getting a night flight back from Canada on Friday night, missing a nights sleep and then going back to work this morning (Monday) and doing a full days work. My relationship is all smooth and fluffy now and any anxiety I had about living with my BF has completely gone. I can't imagine living apart from him anymore.

I was going to work full time as a test of full recovery, but it became apparent pretty quickly that I could work more hours on more days if I felt like it (I did for time-off-in-lieu for a while) and then I didn't feel the need to 'prove' that to anyone. I also wanted to put my energy into other things, so I decided to stay at 18 hours a week.

As for the other things that I wanted to put my energy into... I've been getting fit! I've been doing a lot of belly dancing and performed in a show a month ago. I was rehersing 3 times a week for 3 or 4 hours at a time. It was totally full on and I loved it. My feet blistered and my muscles ached but I just felt liberated. I've also been doing Pilates about 3 times a month and going to the gym a few times a month.

Apart from work and excercise, I've been going out socialising a fair amount as well as going away for weekends. I had a run through March, April and May where there was something on most weekends. Just had a weeks holiday in Canada, and in a week and a half I'm off to Glastonbury, working as a Fire-Steward.

The first half of this year has been hectic! It took me a couple of months to get my head around the whole LP thing. At first I was doing it too much and 'hunting' negative thoughts which was just amplifying things. Then I wasn't doing it enough and got caught out that way. Then I forgot to use it (as it was working and I hadn't needed to do it for so long) and got caught out again. But it didn't take long for me to get the hang of it and reap the rewards.

I've stopped counting how many days or months it is since I last had 'symptoms' and I think that has been very helpful as the aim of this is to focus on what is going right, not on what is going wrong. That's also why I stopped blogging, because I felt blogging required a balanced view and I felt that giving a biased positive view (although that has been the key to my recovery) was a bit unfair to blog to those who might want to hear of the difficulties as well as the achievements.

Now I gently nudge myself back on track using LP quietly in my head and that generally keeps me on track. Every day I feel lucky and blessed that I have such a nice life. I love the city I live in, I enjoy my job, I have good friends a great boyfriend and have opportunities to indulge in my interests and passions and holidays abroad on top! The more you look for the good things in your life, the easier they are to spot and the bigger and brighter they become.

I also want to say that I feel that doing Reverse Therapy and Lightning Process has been a very powerful combination. For me, having done RT and getting familiar with my bodily sensations of emotions then informs the things that I do LP on. RT has helped me identify what I want and LP helps me make it happen. LP has helped me overcome the stuff that goes on in your head that stops you from doing what you really desire. I'm not really explaining it very well, but for me I think I needed both.

Anyway, this is getting incredibly long and my man is just calling me for my dinner, so I must go now.

Miss B
xxx