A tough week

This week has been quite tough. After writing my blog on Monday, I went into college in the afternoon. I didn't have to get up a sparrow's fart this week, so thought it would be a breeze. I arrived at my workshop and within 30 minutes, my symptoms started up. My shoulders got tense, I started to get a headache and my eyes got sore. My head felt really tight and the mental fatigue kicked in. I stayed for another 30 minutes and left as soon as the workshop ended. I went into the canteen, did my RT and all I got from it was 'I really don't want to be in there' and 'eat'. So I ate and then left.

The headache was a really horrible migrainey headache. I came home, relaxed for a few hours, took some paracetemol and then went over to my boyfriends for dinner. Driving was fine, strangely enough. Don't understand that at all.

The next day, I got up early, went into college and managed to stay for 3 hours without a problem. Don't understand that either. In the evening I had friends round for a clothes swap party. I still had this horrible headache in the background though. I had done some RT on it, but was just getting a 'stop going on the computer' message which I had taken notice of and had only briefly checked emails and surfed for 15 minutes.

On Wednesday, I had a lie in and felt ok at first. When I turned the computer on, I felt the headache still there, so decided to keep off the computer again. I had a chilled day and did RT on the headache. I wasn't getting a very strong message, but I did feel like I wanted to have a relaxing bath. I did that and whilst I was in the bath, I connected with bodymind and was reminded that I really benefit from having hands-on relaxation stuff, like shiatsu and massages. After my bath I immediately contacted the college beauty salon and booked a massage for this morning and a facial for next week. I'm going to do this regularly, probably every fortnight, which is part of my RT.

On Wednesday evening I wanted to go to belly dancing, but was worried about the symptoms I was having. Headmind was going, "what if your symptoms have changed and this is a sign that if you over-do it, you'll relapse?!" I phoned my friend who is also doing RT and she helped me get over the fear and go with what bodymind wanted to do. I went to the class and I really enjoyed it. Once I was there, the fear had completely gone and I didn't feel the need to hold back.

The next day, I felt great. Much better than I have felt for about 7-10 days. I feel really relieved, I have my energy back and feel back on track with the RT too.

I do feel as if my symptoms are changing, which is quite unnerving. I am so used to my particular symptoms, how they occur and how they feel - it is not a nice place to be, but it is a safe place to be. This is a challenge because I feel as if I am no longer anchored and anything can happen.

Also, I think focusing on symptoms so much can have a 'can't see the wood for the trees' effect. I have become so aware of my symptoms that I have forgot to notice how drastic the improvements have been. In a week where I am experiencing my symptoms at an intense level, I am still able to go to college, see my friends and my boyfriend, go swimming and drive. Having the symptoms does hold me back. They affect my emotional energy and they affect my vibrancy, but they are not limiting my life in the way that they were before RT.

I am curious to see what happens in the next 2 weeks, now my symproms have subsided...