little miss reverse

A journey from ME/CFS to health using Reverse Therapy and Lightning Process

Monday, September 26, 2005

lost the faith...for a minute

The last few days have been a bit odd. Not difficult exactly, but my mental energy has been flagging a bit. I had expected it to pop back up again over the weekend, but it didn't.

I went to Tesco yesterday and found it really difficult. I could feel that panic that you get when you think that you're not going to be able to manage whatever it is you are doing. I just kept telling myself, it's fine, I don't need to rush, just do it in my own time. I got back to my car and did my RT and sat quietly before driving back home.

When I got home it kind of came to me about the whole chemical memory thing. When I first got ill, I can remember being in Tesco, pushing a trolley round, thinking that I was going to collapse. I remember feeling panicky then. I wonder if it was because I was pusing a trolley (a small one)? I usually take a basket and only get one or 2 items and do my big shop on the internet.

Anyway, I got home and instead of resting (pacing), I changed my activity (RT) to something that I like doing, then went over to my boyfriends house. I was still a bit mentally fatigued, but it wasn't intense like it was in the shop and the panicky feeling had gone.

Lat night I was questioning the RT and whether it was working or not. I don't seem to be getting the massive increase that I had when I first started it, but like I mentioned before, this hasn't been the best month. I've also added 2 new things to my weekly programme recently (college and belly dancing), so maybe I'm misjudging my energy and have more than I think.

Anyway, this is all headmind stuff. When I sit quietly, allow my attention to go to my body, feel the sensation of weight in my body and the sensation of my body against the sofa and my feet on the floor, bodymind is quiet. That is the most important thing for me to remember, if bodymind is happy, then the rest is just the chatterbox, headmind. I still think this is the way forward for me.


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