Hard Week

The last week has been quite tough. It's been good, but hard work. Out of the blue I had a sleepless night on the Sunday night due to some rather strong coffee and chocolate cake (back to decaf for me!), so I was rather tired on the Monday.

I had my college assesment, so went in anyway and was fine. Later on that day I had an appointment to learn how to do EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique - see www.emofree.com) and by then I was feeling a bit fatigued. I felt tense and fatigued after the appointment as we had been focusing on some of my anxiety issues. I felt fatigued on the Tuesday too.

Despite feeling fatigued on the Tuesday, it was the kind of fatigue that resting doesn't get rid of at the point where I am now. It's the kind that's there when I wake up and I know that if I sit around at home all day, it does nothing to alleviate it. So I went to see a friend and then went swimming.

That afternoon I had a call from the agency about some work for Wednesday starting at 8am for 3 hours. I'm still getting into the swing of the whole work thing and I still have anxiety e.g. 'what if...I don't get enough sleep, wake up in time, get there late, I'm really tired, make a fool of myself in some way, make myself ill, have a relapse' etc, etc. It's not in the front of my head causing me to worry myself sick, but it's there in the background and that causes some of the exact things I'm worrying about to happen. So I didn't have a great night's sleep and I was really tired. BUT, I got there on time, was able to do the work no problem, didn't make a fool of myself and actually I enjoyed it.

I was exhausted after, so had an hour in bed then went out for lunch with my BF and I ate like a horse. Don't think he's ever seen me eat so much! We mooched about in the afternoon and then in the evening I went to my bellydancing class, which was flippin hard work.

I had a fairly chilled day on the Thursday, just went to a cafe, oh and I slept like a log on Wed night.

On Friday, I was up early again and to another job, this time for 4 and a half hours in a nursery. It was great, really enjoyed it. Again, I didn't have a brilliant nights sleep and had to leave the house at 7.45am, which is all quite challenging. I worked until 1.30 then popped to see a friend who lived near the nursery. I went to bed for an hour when I got home, then went over to my BF's for the night.

I'm having to do the 'feel the fear and do it anyway' thing, whilst recognising that it is my body that is in charge not my head. I've actually had some old symptoms (muscle twitching) reappear over the last few days that I'm waiting for BM to tell me what to do about and I am feeling tired today. I'll wait and see how I feel tomorrow before committing myself to any work on Wednesday - might have to skip the doing other stuff on days I'm working, but I'll see how it pans out. So it's not a case of just doing it and it's all fine. it's quite a juggling act.